The Ugly Truth

There's a new -ism in town called "lookism". I first read about it in the gossip section of the Daily Mail while intruding on the lives of the beautiful. Once in a while you catch an article about some dowdy mom losing 2 stone (which I found out is the British way of saying 28 pounds - go figure), or one woman's epiphany on how she's not exactly a swan in flock of mallards. In one article, it was mentioned that we're a society slowly falling into a new category of bigotry based off of the outward appearance of individuals. I'll be honest, I've been a perpetrator of lookism probably more than once in my life, it's happened to the best of us. My inability to overcome what may be a new social epidemic, lead me to years of depression, comparing myself against those who had it all in my eyes, and wondering why my life looked so dismal, so ugly, so much like a naked mole rat in comparison to the elegant swans around me.

I felt marked, scarred physically and emotionally, and at times even suicidal. Most recently, I've had the feeling of wanting to peel off my own skin in disgust, never quite living up to my own sense of what a young, bright Christian should look like. We live in an age where we want it all, the looks, the money, the honor, the high reputation amongst peers and co-workers. Eventually, we have to face the ugly truth. I love how truth is referred to as "ugly", categorized by the same lookism we fall into. So what is the ugly truth? Well, if asked this question a couple of days ago, I would've said it's accepting the fact that some of us will never have it all, and some will. It would be accepting defeat, admitting to a cruel fate that does not allow you to thrive as you wish you could. Then, I read an excerpt from Michael Moore's book, Here Comes Trouble: Stories From My Life, featured in the Guardian article below:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2011/sep/07/michael-moore-hated-man-america

It made me think a little deeper on what exactly is so ugly about the truth? In his infamous Oscar acceptance speech for Bowling for Columbine, he said something that got those rusty gears turning in my head: "We like non-fiction, yet we live in fictitious times. We live in a time where we have fictitious election results that elect a fictitious president. We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons." Michael Moore was right, though not evident at the time. Though is commentary was towards political reasons, we could generally still agree that these are indeed fictitious times. Maybe my idea of an ugly truth is really based off of a reality that's not real at all. My lookism created an alternate world that said I had to be successful, or that God's favor meant blessings galore and respect from my peers, but this is a fictitious story. It's a story the world creates and the church adopts as well. Here's the non-fiction we live in: nothing matters but God. That's right, not you, not your job, not your car, not what people think of you, not even the money in your account. It's a hard truth to grasp, which is probably why we call it ugly, but if we dare to turn our own worlds upside down for a minute, we'll realize there's nothing ugly about it at all, in fact, its the most beautiful thing I will ever try to wrap my mind around. There's freedom in that truth, freedom in knowing you will never be asked to be anything except yourself. I realize that's a very big picture to see, and sometimes its difficult to apply big picture things to everyday life. Understanding that truth doesn't always dispel the feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth, or the feeling of wanting to accomplish something in this lifetime. In my process of trying to separate the fiction from the non-fiction, I begin to see that one does not exclude the other. Nothing matters but God, but nothing matters to God but you.

Somewhere along the lines, truth became fiction and fiction, truth. We've bought into the kool-aide of self-love, self-worth, and self-acceptance that society pushes so much for, and traded it for what the gospel offers. We obtain on our own the very things that God intended to give us, in hopes of taking an easy route towards happiness. The stories I read in the bible ar wrought with hardships, rejection, people who must stand alone, voices that cry out in the wilderness. Mingled in all that doom and misery is something so beautiful and so easily overlooked, something completely non-fiction, something that is the truth, pure and simple. It is the will of God. Complete submission to his will is so hard, because it does mean pain and loss, I've personally felt it for years, never quite understanding what it is all for. A lot of us will choose instead to incorporate just enough of God into our lives where we feel like our salvation is minimally guaranteed, weaving an intricate fictitious theology and faith. That's just not enough anymore. We've become spoiled, gluttons for good things only, including insurance for the after life. But things spoiled never bear fruit. So here's the challenge, for myself, and for anyone else who dares to face a bit of that ugly truth, let us release the fictitious world, and ask for the real one, no matter what pains, what misery, what suffering may come from that. Let us choose to live a life examined, a life surrendered, and a life unhappy at times, in exchange for fruitfulness for the greater good. And here's the beauty in it all, you will see a heaven, even here on earth. So take heart, those who have tasted suffering in your walk. Remember, you are the lone voice in the wilderness, a light into the eyes of those who've become accustomed to darkness, a beautiful melody in an orchestra of clanging cymbals. Continue to submit, because God will never disappoint, though you may feel that way at times, and never stop seeking for truth.