Two years ago, I said goodbye to my friends and my family as I boarded that plane to Taiwan. It was a move that would change the course of my life, and interrupt everything I thought I knew about God. I had hoped that the change of scenery would bring some rest for my weary soul. I had gone through a tough year, unemployment, sickness, pain, loss of a friend, loss of my own sense of self worth, loss of financial security, loss of dreams. My mother left her job months earlier and it only seemed like there was no place to turn for help. I worried for her, I worried for myself, and I worried about all these things that seemed so emphatically out of my control. Despite all the heartaches and headaches, I clung on to what I thought would be an
unshakable relationship with God.
Two months into my stay in Taiwan, things only got worse. My sister was attacked in the city for no apparent reason, and left injured and shaken. I felt so angry that I couldn't be there to support her, and even more angry that God could let all these things happen. It was the straw that would break the unshakable relationship. I wrote a letter to my pastor laying out everything I had felt. That maybe, perhaps, I was wrong about the whole God thing. I couldn't bring myself to believe in a supernatural being that could cause such pain, what little it may seem in the realm of this fallen world, but it was enough to break me. In my darkest moment, I laid on my bed and I cursed His name. I deserved to die right then, but God had other plans, a very audible phrase, "hang on". So I did, conditionally and with caution. I figured I would still believe in his existence, but not in his goodness.
I'm not really sure when the actual turning point was, but God was able to use this dark time to show how truly good he can be, whether we believe it or not. After several late night conversations with good friends, and support from unexpected places, I knew that God was ministering to my soul. At that time, I was reading a book called The Ragamuffin Gospel (Brennan Manning) after my friend Dorothy had recommended it to me. I knew I needed to remember the gospel of grace and goodness, and to remember that pain is sometimes part of the process. Brennan Manning wrote:
Unlike Quasimodo, the hunchback of Notre Dame, we need not
hide all that is ugly and repulsive in us. Jesus came not for the
super-spiritual but for the wobbly and weak-kneed who know they
don't have it all together and who are not too proud to accept the
handout of amazin' grace. As we glance up, we are astonished to
find the eyes of Jesus open with wonder, deep with understanding,
and gentle with compassion.
What a God we worship. Here I was, a loser, broken, faithless, unsuccessful in all I tried to do for years, and Jesus still came for me. Now here I am today, back in New York, neither fully healed, nor fully restored, but I can testify to the goodness of God. I spent my remaining days in Taiwan trying my best to enjoy the time God had given me there. I wanted to remember the passions and dreams I had let die, so I began to write again and share on this blog, and I picked up my camera and started shooting photos. The picture above is one I snapped while hanging out with my good friend Tatami. I entered the photo into a competition under the title of "Cinderella Noodles", something I found fitting upon hearing the story of this little noodle shop. It started with one lady and one cart. In the need to support her family, she made the one thing she knew how to well; noodles. Years later, same cart, same noodles, same street corner. The only difference was she now owned the entire building on that block. When Tatami told me that story, it really moved me. I took the chance and entered the photo into a competition. Her Cinderella story would lead to my own. Weeks later I found out that the photo had won first place and would be featured in a book to be published. After years of barren land, this was the first sprout of life I would see in my own life. What a blessing from God to see a dream of mine fulfilled, and for such a great cause. "Let's Do Lunch" was a photography competition set up to fight hunger across the US. Entry fees and book sales were donated to local food banks across the US. Below is the link where you can purchase the book the photo was featured in. 20% of the proceeds will go to benefit the Food Bank of New Jersey:
http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/2116882
I call this a minor miracle story because I know that God is capable of even greater things. This only paved the way to press deeper into a faith that can move mountains. I am so excited to be able to share even greater stories in the future; testimonies to how God moves for the good of his people in foolish and lavish ways, amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment