A Poem Every Week

I want to try to post a poem every week. Since graduating from college, I feel as though I've lost touch with a lot of the literature I used to enjoy so much. I'm tying to refresh my knowledge and inspiration. The first is a poem by John Milton, British poet and author, best known for his work, "Paradise Lost".

When I consider How My Light is Spent

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
and that one talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true accounts, lest he returning chide;
"Doth God exact day-labor, light denied?"
I fondly ask; but Patience to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts; who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed
And post o'er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait."

2010 Resolutions

I love the feeling a New Year's celebration gives people. There's always a renewed sense of hope and ambition as the concept of entering a new chapter with a tabula rasa invigorates the lost dreams to life again. The eve offers a unique cross road in the human existence. It's the one day where we can look towards a life yet unborn while reminiscing about the past year soon to become distant memories. We strike a balance in the way we view our lives; where we've been and where we will go. The first week of January is a valuable time for me. So often, I live the rest of my year thinking only of the past. I relive every failure, every embarrassment, every criticism and I let it paralyze me from moving forward, sometimes even fearing what the future may look like. In college I was the complete opposite, only thinking about the future. My only concern was to build a career for myself, perhaps achieve fame, recognition and success. This way of thinking had cost me great friends and relationships, while dwelling in the past had cost me God's calling. I appreciate the chance a new year gives me. It allows me to re-focus on the task at hand and what my life should really look like, as a complete story rather than fragmented chapters.

Part of my resolution this year was inspired by the Princess Diaries. I enjoy Disney and Pixar films because they use fantastical situations to illustrate human truths. And like the new year, they strike a balance between dreams and reality. I remember the compelling moment where Ann Hathaway makes her decisive speech, dripping wet wearing a frumpy hoodie. She had her most princess like moment when she looked the most disheveled. The idea of being princess of a country frightened Ann, especially understanding the scrutiny that comes with such a position. Her flaws, whether real or fabricated, were exhibited in front of the world. She thought of the burden, and thought of the price of giving away such a position, then comes her touching line...."then I realized how many stupid times a day, I use the word 'I'"

One of the hardest things to do is to get over ourselves. I realized that I had placed on a shelf many of God's promises needing some outside source of confirmation to tell me what I'm meant to do. It's not to say that I missed out on anything, but in order to move forward, I have to acknowledge how self-centered I am, how self seeking some of my desires were, no matter how nicely I covered them in altruistic intentions. It's tempting for me to dump my failures on the fact that I "wasn't ready" to walk in the calling, but I don't believe this is true either. There are many successful people out there who work out of selfishness. The matter at hand doesn't revolve around success or failure, as I used to believe, but rather around obedience through love. I know that God had lovingly given me a calling to be a wordsmith, but my crippling fears and raging jealousies had pushed the calling into the realm of impossible. I lamented over the loss of the calling, but never wanted to own it in the first place. I was reminded of a dream I had a long time ago. I was in Africa, and I walked into a classroom where there was a little girl who walked up to me. She had a book in her hand and she told me that one day, she had accidentally wandered into the class. The teacher had been reading the book to the children. She told me that the story had changed her life. It had given her hope in her own future, and allowed her to see the worth she had in God. I wept...

I knew that I wanted to be that kind of writer, but that dream somehow lost its way in the deep depression that was to come. I only recently recalled it back into memory when I came upon the cross-roads of the new year. Owning a title or a dream is not an easy thing to do, as Ann Hathaway so courageously illustrated, but when we are able to realize the weight and significance of that title and what it means to others, we no longer carry a burden but a gift. If I could think less of myself, perhaps God's words could reach that girl, or even a nation. The word resolution actually means to set upon a course of action, if I were to give myself a resolution, it would be to put into action the passions that God gave me. Writing is only a tool for the greater calling to love both God and his people. I could only wait to see what 2010 will bring and I hope that it will be a year where I think of others and God, and allow my own ambitions to become a distant memory in the realm of what He has called me to do.